Today we have a guest poster, My Husband. Though sadly, I'm not at all excited about this post and you'll soon discover why. I present to you A Father's Fear...
It was a warm Saturday
evening, my wife and I decided to walk to the nearby mall with our daughter to
pick up a few things. We like to take one of our kids out by themselves at
least once a week so we can give them the individual attention that all kids
need. So after picking up a few things and having a late lunch, we walked home.
Upon our return, our nanny helped us with the bags and said to my wife, “Ma’am,
there’s something I need to tell you.”
As parents, we do everything
we can to protect our children. We do what we can to make sure that no danger ever
comes near them; to mold them into productive, law abiding citizens. When my
wife and I were expecting our first child, the discussions of how we were going
to raise our children constantly came up. What type of school will we enroll
them into, how do we implement biblical teachings into their daily lives, how
do we teach them to defend themselves, and to protect their younger siblings.
One of the biggest decisions
we made shortly after my first son was born was to homeschool him. There are
many reasons why, but the biggest was to have control over what was being
taught to my kid(s). We knew that we
could do a better job preparing them for the crazy world we live in. Homeschooling
would allow us to give each child the individual attention that they need and
want. It will allow us to teach them and tell them about our own experiences,
and most of all, to protect them from any potential harm. We’re not overly
protective, but we’ll do anything we can to make sure that our children grow up
in a safe and loving environment. So when they’re ready to face the unknowing
dangers of the world; the rude, the mean, the inconsiderate, the predators,
they’ll know exactly what to do. The thing we’re trying to prevent from
happening is having them in that type of situation before they’re ready.
“Ma’am, there’s something I
need to tell you.” I over hear this as I’m already sitting down in the living
room. The nanny’s demeanor was pretty solemn. I didn’t want to interrupt, so I
tried to listen in intently. She proceeded to talk to my wife in a low tone and
the next thing I know, my wife is storming out the door. I immediately follow
her to find out what exactly was going on.
The following events that
took place is something a parent never wants to (and never should) experience.
She saw my son’s friend just outside our house and asked him some questions. The
last question I heard was “Are you sure?” before I finally stepped in to ask my
wife what happened. She tells me that Ronnie (not his real name), a
neighborhood kid, had molested my son.
Enraged, we started looking
for Ronnie and wouldn’t you know it; he was just outside our gate hanging out
with a bunch of kids. We sternly called out his name and asked him to come near.
We came right out and asked him if he’s ever touched our son and of course, he
denies it. Which is what most predators will do, and this one was no exception.
How could this have happened?
We’ve done all we can to protect our son but his innocence and safety had still
been jeopardized. It was basically a matter of a 7 year old’s trust being taken
advantage of; a young, unknowing, trusting and innocent 7 year old child.
We knew that Ronnie was older
than my son, by how many years we weren’t sure exactly. He was the “big kid”
that liked playing with the children in our neighborhood. When we finally found
out the grave details of the matter and that Ronnie was in fact no kid but a 20
year old adult, we were beyond infuriated. My mind began to think up the most
unpleasant scenarios that could have taken place, including what I wanted to do
to that “big kid”.
Following the confrontation,
my wife and I immediately went to the police station to report the matter.
There we came face to face once again with the predator, and he was accompanied
by the police and his parents. It was intense, uncontrollable screams and
inconsolable cries filled the station. After minutes had gone by, we finally
calmed down. The entire time we were there listening to the testimony of my son about the events that took place, our heart shattered into a million pieces. I
could only imagine what was going through my son’s mind during those times.
Thinking about it hurts me the most; he with my son in that dark little room
and though only for a few minutes, might’ve felt like an eternity for my son.
Someone my son trusted and looked up to violated his very being. It saddens me
as a parent that this type of thing happens all over the world. No child is
exempted from the potential dangers of sexual abuse. Whether you’re rich or poor,
whether you live in a developing country or in one of the most luxurious places
on earth; this type of evil happens everywhere.
No one’s perfect, myself
included. I’ve made many mistakes in the past, but the one thing that held me
together and gave me hope was God’s loving kindness, forgiveness and grace.
It’s an awesome feeling, a comforting feeling knowing that he sent His Son to
die for me; an imperfect individual. I knew that despite my imperfections and
my past mistakes, God still loves me. He doesn’t hate the individual, He only
hates the sin. I knew I had to apply that same concept into our situation; I
can’t hate this person who violated my son, I can only hate the evil that he
did. The love, the mercy, the forgiveness, and the grace that was given to me I
in turn should extend to him. No matter how “undeserving” I think he is, no
matter how hard, no matter how much resistance I give it; it’s ultimately the
only thing we can do for and give the people who hurt us.
Hebrews 4:16 Let
us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive
mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
But this doesn’t mean that there
will be no repercussions or legal consequences for that person. We’ve gone
through all the proper measures to make sure that Ronnie is given a just and
fair hearing, and we can only hope and pray that he’ll never be able to do this again, to anyone.
Sexual abuse and any form of child
molestation is an evil evil thing. It’s also a very shameful thing and because
of that, not too many victims come forward. My son didn’t come to us when this
happened and only came forward with the details when we asked him about it. Why?
What was he thinking? Was he ashamed? Did he think it was normal? Did he think
he would get in trouble? Or did he not know what to think? We can’t really say
for now. But as parents, we must instill in our children that they can talk to
us about anything, good or bad. If it’s a good thing, we’ll give them praise; and
if it’s a bad thing, we’ll still be there for them to show them love and
support.
Encourage your children to be open and honest with you about every
aspect of their life. And if your child ever comes forward with a situation
similar to this, listen to them, comfort them and believe them. Your child is
confiding in you and be thankful that they’re not keeping any “secrets”.
One person we have to be thankful for is
our nanny for shining light upon this situation. She too was a victim of sexual
abuse and child molestation. At the tender age of 8 years old she was raped by
an elderly man who was their neighbor. After the first time it happened, she
immediately told her grandma about it. Unfortunately the grandma didn’t believe
her and thought she was making it up. It wasn’t until the man repeated the
violent act another two times, that they finally believed her. Sadly, this happens
all over the world and it’s our duty as parents to be our children’s advocates.
With something so serious as sexual abuse, how can parents or elders not
believe an innocent child? Parents, we must believe our children when they tell
us things like this. We must instinctively take their side and give them our
full support until we know the facts.
Sexual abuse, child molestation; don’t
take those issues lightly. Children in your neighborhood and all across the
world are potential victims. Educate your children about these things, how no
one should ever touch them inappropriately or make them feel uncomfortable in any way.
Educate, educate, educate. When it comes down to it, it’s our jobs as parents
to teach our children what’s right and wrong and to protect them to the best of our abilities.
Please keep our family and most of all, our son in your prayers....
